Badass Retirees Who Helped Stop Crimes In Progress
Achieving badassery doesn’t require you to be a certain age. As we’ve shown you, 101-year-old abseilers and crime-solving elementary schoolchildren exist. So you may have read this article’s title and thought, “Oh, some older folks helped stop would-be criminals? What’s so surprising about that?” To which the answer is: The manner in which they did it, and the videos that captured those glorious moments. Like when ...
[Editor’s note: If you ever find yourself in a situation like one of these, do not attempt to be a hero. If someone shoves a gun in your face and demands your wallet or purse or whatever, just give it to them. You’re not Liam Neeson.]
An 85-Year-Old Man Fears Neither Hammer Nor Shotgun
Everyone has the occasional bad day at work. Like when you’re running late so someone takes your parking spot and your boss yells at you because it’s the third time this month and the coffee’s already lukewarm and stale and goddammit, this is just the worst.
Three robbers in Ireland, however, had an exceptionally bad one when their attempt to hold up a bookie met with one Denis O’Connor. We presume that the criminals’ scheme didn’t involve a “What do we do if an 85-year-old great-grandfather starts kicking our asses?” contingency, which turned out to be poor planning on their part, because that’s exactly what happened.
It may be difficult to imagine the kind of pandemonium that would ensue if three dudes wielding hammers and a shotgun stormed into, well, wherever you happened to be, shouting and demanding all of the available cash. But you don’t have to, because here’s a video, which includes O’Connor’s “What, did you think you were just going to waltz in here and ruin my day of relaxation and betting on horses?” reaction:
Initially, the guy running the place was caught in a tight spot trying to manage two of the hammer-toting robbers at once. Then we see O’Connor approach, slowly, calmly, almost as if to ask one of the thieves a question. But that’s when he straight-up grabbed the dude by both arms and grappled with him. Which obviously surprised the much younger man who was, again, armed with a hammer, and he fled after freeing himself from O’Connor’s death grip.
O’Connor wasn’t finished, however, chasing the masked idiot all the way to the door, even grabbing a chair along the way to either throw or just use as an improvised bludgeoning weapon. Upon seeing this new development, the man with the shotgun decided it was time to leave, too, but O’Connor met him en route and made a grab for the firearm even as the robber pointed it directly at his face.
Meanwhile, the remaining thug found himself getting bested by the employee, then realized that loyalty isn’t exactly one of the defining traits of a criminal, when he looked up and saw that his companions were already gone. Yet even as he tried to escape, O’Connor engaged, kicking the guy on his way out.
Of course, O’Connor didn’t see it as a big deal, saying: “I didn’t really think about it. I just wanted to help him out.” Right, and here we were proud of ourselves for that one time we helped our friend move, and no one even threatened to rob us with guns or hammers.
An 80-Year-Old Man Is Saved By His 85-Year-Old Brother
Brotherly love is a wonderful thing. And perhaps that’s best exemplified when you witness some jackass trying to stick up a guy for the three dollars he’s carrying, then the victim’s brother sprints onto the scene and delivers a wrench blow to the assailant’s dome, causing him to perform what law enforcement calls “getting the hell out of there” in their official reports.
“That’s a hilariously specific scenario you’ve presented,” you may be thinking. But it was an actual thing that happened. And we have proof:
That, right there, is three people whose names we may never know. What we do know is that some asswagon tried to steal three bucks from an 80-year-old guy standing outside of an auto body shop, and his five-years-older brother stepped in and handled it. Gun be damned, that wrench had a target, and it was the head of the guy threatening his brother. He must have been pretty stealthy about it, too, given the video shows no sign of the criminal anticipating cranial trauma coming from behind.
Look, we hate to speculate, but the Batman character has existed for a long-ass time, and maybe it was based on a real person who’s now in his 80s and he’s grown tired of the elaborate suit and tools and complicated methods of criminal capture. Nowadays, he just grabs whatever is in the immediate vicinity and beats bad guys up with it before retiring to the Batcave for his 4 p.m. supper.
Come on, DC. We know you want to write that story.
A Couple Of Guys Just Decided To Trip Fleeing Criminals
If elementary school taught us anything, it’s that tripping someone who’s on a full-out sprint is super funny. Nothing says playground hilarity like a good old-fashioned faceplant, are we right?
We’re ... we’re not? Someone could get hurt and it’s mean? OK, we see your point. But what if it was Derek? That kid was always kind of a dick.
Anyway, bullying wasn’t on 84-year-old Raul Munoz’s mind when he went in for a leg kick on a 15-year-old while out shopping with his wife. You see, the kid was running because he had just tried robbing a jewelry store, and was attempting to flee. Seeing this, Munoz just ... reacted, charging the law-breaking youth and throwing his leg out there to trip the boy. And it’s almost as if Munoz knew the thief would try to leap over the outstretched appendage, so he aimed high and made contact.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work out quite the way he expected, and not only did the criminal get away (at least initially), but Munoz found himself injured as a result of his attempted heroism. But what’s worse is that his wife was pretty much the exact opposite of impressed by his antics, and wouldn’t speak to the poor guy for four hours after the incident. In fact, watch that video again -- you can actually see her berating him while he writhes on the floor in pain.
Perhaps Munoz’s form wasn’t on point, at least not like that of a man known only as “Bill,” who we guess rolled a natural 20 on his Athletics check when he successfully tripped a suspect who was running away from police. And he was damn sly about it:
“Bill” was just hanging out at the library with his granddaughter, waiting to leave, when a man armed with a 9mm started running in his direction, obviously trying to not get caught by the police who were in pursuit. Now, we’re not sure if “Bill” plays video games, but his technique looks a lot like Blanka’s crouching heavy kick. Regardless of where he learned this move, it was effective, and the suspect was immediately apprehended by law enforcement.
Which is pretty rad. We just hope his granddaughter didn’t get pissed and give him the silent treatment for four hours.
