5 Crazy Advent Calendars You Won’t Believe Exist
Very soon, Advent will be upon us, and with it the beloved calendars we enjoy that count down the days until Christmas. If this has ever been a tradition in your household, you probably looked forward to popping open a little door on each day and enjoying the tiny treat or toy inside. For some, however, the celebration of this season seemed a perfect opportunity to take the very idea of the Advent calendar in an entirely different direction. For example ...
Tiffany’s: Overpriced, Everyday Items That Nobody Needs
Perhaps it’s not terribly surprising that Tiffany’s, the company that tricked people into buying a tin can for $1,000, would have one of the most obnoxious holiday offerings of 2019. And yes, we said $1,000 ... for a tin can. You see, back in 2017, the luxury jeweler announced its Everyday Collection, which is literally just a bunch of everyday objects that Tiffany’s decided to charge obscene amounts of money for. There are a whopping 1,280 items you definitely don’t need that start at $25 and run up to their $275,000 sterling silver greenhouse and butterfly in a jar. What we’re trying to say is that it was really only a matter of time until Tiffany’s released its completely unnecessary, six-figure Advent calendar.
In October, the company announced its first holiday catalog, which includes the four-foot tall, $112,000 Advent calendar, as well as 11 other terrible things to purchase on this glorious season of giving. Each day has a different Tiffany’s surprise, ranging from diamond earrings and bracelets to a goddamn clothespin the company sells to people for $515. Despite all of this over-the-top ridiculousness, the calendar is kind of cute in its own, super-on-brand Tiffany’s sort of way. The calendar itself is even a replica of the company’s Fifth Avenue flagship store, so that’s precious.
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Not this precious, but close.
It’s not for just anyone, however. Tiffany’s wants to remind people how exclusive the brand is, so there are only four of these things available. But for those lucky four customers, the 355-pound delivery is assembled on-site by Tiffany’s White Glove Service. Which is nice, considering the amount of money being spent. We just hope that, whoever those four people are, they get a lot of quality use out of their $760 marker.
Porsche Design: The $1 Million Advent Calendar That Includes A Yacht
Are rich people OK? That’s ... a serious question, actually. Does science have a term for what happens to the brain when you have way more money than you know what to do with so you have to buy stupidly expensive things that have no business existing in the first place? Like Elonmuskinitis or something?
We ask because back in 2010, Porsche Design released five Advent calendars priced at $1 million each -- one calendar for every continent on which Porsche does business. They were made from brushed aluminum, were six-and-a-half-feet tall, and included the Royal Falcon Fire 28, which is a collaboration with Fearless Yachts that resulted in a 28-foot-long, 525 horsepower, custom-made boat worth $300,000 (which they unfortunately couldn’t fit in the calendar itself). It debuted at the Miami Boat Show and is technically a luxury speedboat, but “yacht” sounds way more rich.
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“And after a nice, relaxing day out on the water, I like to go home and soak in the tub.”
“Less expensive” items included a lambskin jacket, 18-karat-gold sunglasses, Porsche-designed cufflinks, a rose gold Porsche Design P’6910 Indicator watch, and a designer kitchen (?). You know, basically all the things you associate with the giving season.
Porsche worked with fellow rich-person company Harrods, a department store that’s well-known for its various luxury offerings including a $790,000 crystal bathtub, and they were all pretty pleased with the result. The CEO of Porsche Design even said that the calendars would “make for a very precious Christmas.” We’re pretty sure Tiny Tim said the same thing.
St. Pancras: The Largest Advent Calendar In The World
As humans, it’s important to our species to take everyday objects and make them as large as possible. It’s been a part of our culture since at least the time that some Americans saw a giant rock and said, “Hey, you know what that needs? Gigantic president faces.” We assume a similar thought occurred when the St. Pancras railway station in London wanted to build an Advent calendar, because the thing is over 230 feet wide and 75 feet tall.
CDI World
Basically, it’s pretty damn big.
It’s surprisingly subtle, though, and kind of looks like an unassuming seasonal mural with a transportation theme. If you look closely, however, you’ll see the little numbers throughout, denoting each countdown day. It was built to celebrate the station’s 2007 refurbishment, hence the transportation theme. Oh, and it was big enough to land it a Guinness World Record. So that’s pretty cool, we guess?
Weirdly, this isn’t even the first Advent calendar-centric world record. In 2017, Kevin Strahle set one for the fastest time to eat all the chocolates in an Advent calendar, shoveling them all down his gullet in an astonishing 1 minute, 27.84 seconds. Now we’re just waiting for the St. Pancras calendar to house the largest chocolates in the world, and the poor soul who will inevitably try to create a brand new record by trying to eat them.
Zoella: The 12 Day Advent Calendar With Terrible Gifts
Zoella is a 29-year-old, UK-based YouTuber with more than 11 million subscribers. In 2017, she launched a £50 Advent calendar that only had 12 days, which you may recognize as exactly half the amount of days they’re supposed to have. Consumers not only got short-changed in that regard, but the surprises inside weren’t exactly up to buyer expectations, either, with the trinkets being of much lower quality than expected. For example, customers were treated to an envelope with confetti, two cookie cutters (each on their own day), stickers, a notepad and, like the cookie cutters, two candles on two separate days.
With her younger-leaning fanbase, Zoella came under fire for exploiting followers who are limited by finances. And because we’re living in the 21st century, Zoella issued a non-apology via YouTube, where she put the blame on the retailer that sold the calendar. That didn’t do much to soothe her fans, or the retailer Boots, which slashed the calendar’s price in half by November 16.
Luke Rauscher / Flickr
Whoops?
And supposedly, a not-so-lucky 12-year-old found a Stanley knife in hers. Obviously, we can’t verify the accuracy of that claim, but if it is true, at least it was probably worth more than all of that other crap.
Drinks By The Dram: £10,000 Worth Of Whiskey
As you are no doubt aware, we’ve been known to sample a glass of whiskey here and there. So the idea of an advent calendar that boasts 24 different kinds of whiskies sounds pretty rad. Well, until you run across Drinks By The Dram’s The Very Old and Rare Whisky Advent Calendar, which carries a pretty hefty pricetag at £9,999.95.
The calendar -- which unfortunately can’t be shipped to the U.S. or Canada -- features one-ounce samples of 24 extremely rare whiskies, some coming from now-closed distilleries and drams, from across the globe. They’re housed in a wooden box designed by cabinetmaker Simon Jewell Designs, which is actually quite attractive. Simon definitely knows what they’re doing.
The 24 bottles in the calendar aren’t playing around, either. One 60-year-old single malt featured in the calendar is worth up to £19,000 a bottle, and another runs around £13,000 a bottle. And while the 60-year-old one is the oldest, many whiskies in the calendar range from 24-45 years old. That’s all very impressive, but still, no matter how smooth those whiskies go down, you’re going to be pissing them out in a few hours anyway.
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Immediately followed by questioning what in the hell you’re doing spending that kind of money on whiskey.
Which ... does that make the Tiffany’s calendar better? Sure, it’s way overpriced garbage, but at least that stupid clothespin will be around forever.
