Enormous Cows Used To Be Very Important Status Symbols
by Ivan Farkas
Despite their subjugation of much of the world, the English aren't widely known for innovating or adopting many cultural advances beyond broiling food and soccer hooliganism. However, one amusing, quintessentially English example is livestock portraiture.
While other nations prefer mythological scenes, historical events, or breathtaking landscapes in their households, the English have spent countless hours staring at portraits of the nation's fattest and prettiest pigs, sheep, and cows.
In the late 18th and early 19th centuries, improved breeding practices became more effective and widespread. This era ushered in revolutionary agricultural practices, and these portraits offered the best(?) way to disseminate new knowledge. The depictions were both for boasting and advertising the owners' breeding and feeding techniques, and showed how they were capable of producing immense animals fattened on oil cakes.
To assert their status and creature-fattening skills, wealthy farmers trotted out their finest livestock. And also trotted out their finest themselves, bedecked in grand apparel, donning smart-looking top hats and their least-manure-stained pair of pantaloons.
The animals' otherworldly geometries and exaggerated dimensions made the livestock look larger, and accentuated their best features, though it's no exaggeration to say some were genuinely monstrous. The most famous was the Durham Ox, who may have weighed nearly 3,000 pounds; about twice as much as typical modern beef cattle.
Wealthy farmers also played the patriotism card. They argued that their riches and well-appointed animals were good for everyone, via trickle-down bovine economics. Fatter cattle meant a fatter Britain, with more meat and money for everyone, including the poorer classes. And so, cows steadily became 33% heavier in the 18th century.
The animals themselves sometimes gained superstar status. The aforementioned Durham Ox (1796-1807) was as famous during its reign as any athlete, thespian, or singer of modern times. During this epoch of improved livestock, the Durham Ox was the SEGA Dreamcast of its day, promising a game-changing concept. But instead of mainstream online play, the ox offered unprecedented girth, better cuts of meat, and more aesthetically pleasing cattle.
Discounting modern Doge memes, the Durham Ox was one of the most fawned-over individual animals of any historical period. This depiction alone sold thousands of prints.
Wikipedia
In 1801, Mr. John Day bought the Durham Ox for ₤250. Accounting for inflation and the exchange rate, that's about $20,000 in current U.S. dollars, which I know sounds crazy. But it was an excellent deal for Day, who took his ox on the road. He toured the Durham Ox across more than 3,000 miles of moors and urban British decay, potentially making up to around ₤100 (almost $10K in today’s money) for a single exhibition.
That is, until 1807, when the Durham Ox slipped while exiting his gigantic, custom-made carriage. The poor animal damaged his hip and, failing to recover, was slaughtered two months later. Always the showman and exploiter, Day erected a tent around the dying animal, charged admission, and even sold pieces of the ox's hide as mementos.
Which is sad, but maybe not as sad as how many modern superstars roll into their twilight years.
